I loved this Q&A Doug Fields did with a veteran volunteer youth worker. Here’s a clip, head over to Group to read the entire interview. It’s quite long, but full of great insights about volunteer youth ministry from the volunteer perspective (the heart of this blog).

Matty: A few years ago I was in a workshop led by a veteran youth pastor who had a great ministry, staffed by volunteers who were pretty successful in the marketplace. These people were really sharp and brought some big-dog gifts to the table. He made a simple statement: “Sharp programs attract sharp people.” He went on to talk about how you’ve got to give people something worth committing to, something that’s going to be a great use of their time. He said people get excited about ministry—they take time off work and sacrifice their own resources—not because I’ve manipulated them, but because I’ve given them something worth committing to.

Another reason is when a volunteer feels cared about as a person and not just cheap labor. You always get more volunteer bang for your buck when you care about your volunteers as individuals. You ask me about my job now and then, you care about what my kids are doing, you know their names, and you care about my spouse.

Also, a youth pastor is going to get way more mileage out of me when he or she brings out the best in me, when I’m not taken for granted. When I was an interim youth pastor I was acutely aware that if I had a meeting I’d better make it worth coming to. And, as Bill Hybels says, I thanked people to death—I made sure they knew that I was very aware of the ways they were investing in teenagers’ lives.

Fields: You know, one of the things I say to youth workers is that you can draw people in by having a vision, but you keep people by building community. So what are a few things every lead youth worker can do to build community—the care and feeding of their volunteers?

Matty: Well one of the things I picked up from Guy Wasko, one of our affinity group and workshop leaders at the Simply Youth Ministry Conference (youthministry.com/conference), is the phrase “soul care”—he talks about incorporating this into his all staff meetings. I thought, “Oh that’s what Jeannie knew.” We’d meet every week for two hours, and she would speak into our lives personally. She really prioritized that. I’m in a youth ministry now where our lead youth pastor gets that—he values my spiritual walk, because God always cares about you far more than he does your ministry.

I’d also say, throw me a party now and then, you know? Do a non-ministry connecting-type of event. About twice a month my youth pastor will say, “After youth group, let’s go to Applebee’s and we’ll talk about anything but ministry.”

Fields: Do you feel cared-for in your current context?

Matty: I do. I feel like my youth pastor is very gracious toward me, and he also gives me permission to say no. I think that’s a big deal—that youth pastors release their volunteers to experiment and try things even though they may be different from what they would do. But it’s also important to give people the freedom to say no—when they say yes, I think they’re a lot more committed.

Today a friend asked me, “If you had a 13 year old daughter, would you let her have a blog?”

I love the idea of teenagers blogging. It’s a great outlet for their ideas. Also, the writing experience will help them:
- Process their thoughts and feelings
- Develop their writing skills
- Possibly discover a life-long love of writing
- Get feedback about their thoughts through comments from readers
- Exercise critical thinking skills

As with anything online, parents should put in protective controls (These apply more commonly to younger teens):
- Comments on the blog should go to the parent’s e-mail address
- Administrative control of the blog should belong to the parent, not the teenager
- Settings should be set to have every comment approved by the administrator (parents) before they appear on the blog

I recommend opening an account on WordPress.com because they have great spam filtering. Parents, not younger teens, should be responsible for clearing out the spam. There will be some very bad spam coming through.

I would love to generate some interaction between youth workers on VolunteerYouthMinistry.com. Do you have questions or need advice? Fill out the form below. I’ll post my thoughts and other youth workers will be able to chime in through the comments section.

Tonight a high school ministry leader asked for some advice. Here’s the situation and my thoughts. I’d love to know what you think. Please post a comment if you have something to share.

Basic details:
- Female student stopped coming to small group
- Won’t return phone calls
- Weeks later when a leader has lunch with her, the student shows signs of a lifestyle of drugs, an inappropriate relationship and no desire to change. The leader, however, does not know for certain that this is an accurate perception
- She has great and supportive parents who don’t seem to know about her issues
- The leader doesn’t know if she should tell the parents or talk to the student

Here’s how I responded:
- Text message the girl to let her know you’re concerned about her so much that you need to talk to her about the situation. Let her know that if she doesn’t respond within 24 – 48 hours (pick one), you’ll need to talk to her parents because you feel she may be in danger.
–I suggested she keep the timeframe short because this could cause a lot of stress to the student. If you give her a week, that will allow her to draw it out and unnecessarily go through a much-longer period of stress
– This will also get the girl’s attention and compel her to finally return a phone call
- If she doesn’t call back by the end of the time period, it’s time to talk to the parents
- If she does call back, it’s time to sit down with her and discuss the concerns and minister to her

The risks:

- The student turns her back on church, God, religion, etc
– She’s already done that. Taking action is trying to bring her back. Taking no action communicates a lack of concern
- The parents turn on you
– The leader doesn’t think the parents are aware of the situation, but they might just be in denial or trying to hide the issue to protect their image
– Bringing the issue to light might provoke an unpleasant response from parents. Remember the problem is not yours. You are merely addressing a problem. They might project their issues onto you. Don’t absorb them. You can show concern, but don’t be drawn into the attack
- The situation could escalate*
– You might discover issues such as abuse or neglect that must be reported to child protective services or law enforcement
– Do your homework before addressing the situation so you can know how you’ll proceed in a variety of scenarios
– Know your resources
— Have the contact information for:
—- Local Christian counselors
—- An area recovery program that allows students to participate
—- The contact number for Child Protective Services
—- You may need to call 911 if a report needs to be filed with law enforcement

*If the situation escalates, notify the youth ministry staff, if possible, before contacting authorities

Hey Dennis,

So I have been attempting to meet up with my student since Wednesday, but she has canceled on me a couple times, and she just told me she probably wouldn’t be at Bible Study on Wednesday because she’s failing all her classes and needs to study. So, what do I do at this point? Do I just keep trying to set up meetings? I think she is going to keep avoiding me, and I would really like to speak to her parents. I’m not sure how to go about doing that. Any advice would be much appreciated,of course! Thanks Dennis!

- Volunteer Youth Worker

This sounds like the wrong advice, but I’m pretty sure it’s solid. I would release her to do her own thing and focus on the students who are open to spiritual growth right now. She’s not ready for this in her life right now. It’s a source of frustration or guilt. When things change, she knows you’re a caring person she can turn to.

When you have to chase a person down to care for her:
1. It opens you up to manipulation (if the person you’re chasing is manipulative)
2. You can easily be taken for granted (not appreciated)
3. The person could be pushed away and could become less likely to return to God or church in the future if she feels stalked by people trying to help

You’ve done the right thing by following up with her and making the effort. Now I suggest backing off and letting her make her own choices for a while. In a few weeks you may want to send an e-mail or text message asking how she’s doing. Beyond that, I would wait for her to seek you out.

I think others could benefit from this information. If it’s okay with you, I’m going to put this on my blog. Is that okay?

Thanks,

Dennis

Of course you can put this on your blog… I don’t mind my name being on it, so do whatever you think best. I would also appreciate your prayer… I am feeling a lot of anxiety and sadness for this girl, and not being able to “fix” things is difficult for me in general.

- Volunteer Youth Worker

Volunteer Youth Worker,

I would for sure touch base with the parents. You can be a source of support for them. It is very likely they will contact you for help or direction in the near future. Remember we have “been there parents” in our ministry who are also very well equipped to offer solid advice and direction. They are eager to talk to parents struggling with wayward children.

Dennis

This is part 3 of a 4-part interview with Tom and Marla. In this segment, Tom, a 16-year veteran volunteer, answers questions and gives great advice about teaching a small group of high school boys.

Here are links to the other videos in this series:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Be sure to also check out the brief comments below the video.

___

There are a few things I love about this video series:
- It was videotaped by a student volunteer. This was a great way for him to see some of the heart behind what we do as leaders.
- The video is not professional… much like our service as volunteers. The interview isn’t polished, the camera is shaky, and there are no makeup artists. It’s just regular folks talking about a mutual passion: reaching out to students through ministry
- It’s a good start for other topical interviews to be done in the future

Hey Dennis!

My name is Kate. I’m a volunteer with a youth ministry here at St. Paul UMC in Jacksonville, FL. I’ve been reading your blog for a while now – I got hooked from More Than Dodgeball. I hated being a teenager and so I find it incredibly strange that I’m helping and LOVING working with youth now. But God is pretty funny and awesome!

I actually have a question for you about small groups – I know you lead a small group (I’m passing on your What Parents Need to Know article on to the youth pastor I work with).

I was wondering how it [our small group ministry] was structured? Do you have co-ed small groups, are they sometimes separated by gender, is it by grade, etc? What structure do you think works best?

Thanks!

I love reading a blog from another youth volunteer’s perspective!

Kate

Thanks! You made my day.

It’s funny what you write about being surprised to be working with students. I specifically didn’t want to work with students, either. I thought I’d be working with adults somewhere in a small rural church as a pastor. Here I am in a suburb mega church working with students… and loving every minute of it. How ironic is life at times?

Here are some details about our small group program:

• Students can choose Tuesday or Wednesday night
• All small groups are based on gender. Most are limited to students in the same grade. When I graduated my seniors a few years ago, I decided to take their little brothers and make a small group with them. That meant I had a group of guys in different grades. Even though they’ve all graduated, I still have a mixed group of grades
• I try to keep my group made up guys from the same school. As a volunteer, it’s too difficult to keep up with activities of students from 5 different schools
• I usually recruit small group students from the my camp cabin guys at summer camp. I ask the high school staff to only give me guys from my area high school. They do their best to accommodate this request. Small groups are a natural next step for students who go to summer camp. Throughout the week, I nudge them to join a group if they aren’t already in one. I tell them I don’t care if they’re in mine, but I do care that they get in a small group. It’s an easy sell because small groups are like camp cabin time except they go home to sleep in their own beds after and I actually get to go to sleep without the hour-long process of getting them to gradually quiet down
• We meet at the church for the 1st month. After that, small groups move into homes
• Many small groups have only 1 small group in their home. I choose to have three small groups. 2 are for guys, 1 is for girls
• We have a large group time with games, trivia or a video. We conclude large group time with a lesson opener and prayer. I keep this fresh by mixing it up from week-to-week as creatively as I can
• Last year we began holding hands in a big circle and praying for a student in our group dealing with a brain tumor. It was very touching to see students praying and caring for one of our own. Since that time, prayer has become a much more substantial part of our large group time. It’s been awesome and students have taken great ownership over this
• In small group time, we teach curriculum provided by the ministry staff
• Each small group leader adjusts the curriculum to their own teaching style and specific needs of the group
• Sometimes the curriculum isn’t very good. When that happens, I’ll take the bottom line of the lesson and teach on the topic, but in a way that better suits my students’ needs
• Small group teaching for us (when it’s done right) is more of a discussion than it is me teaching while students listen

You asked which structure I think works best. I have only done it this way. I wouldn’t ever do it any other way, though (at least not by choice). When our ministry transitioned to one group per home a few years ago, mine was the only location that kept 3 groups in the home. Now the ministry as a whole is trending back that direction.

Here are some thoughts on co-ed vs. same-gender groups:

• Starting with a co-ed group gives our students some healthy interaction with other students from their school in a Christian environment.
• Our small groups are designed to serve two purposes in the Purpose Driven model: 80% Fellowship and 20% Discipleship. During the co-ed large group, Fellowship is a big part of the goal
• Fellowship, however, also has a deeper level. That’s what happens in small groups. That’s where accountability can take place and students can feel safe about opening up. If these groups were co-ed, deeper fellowship wouldn’t likely happen.
• Discipleship, also, happens better without the distraction of the opposite sex. I’m not saying discipleship can’t happen in a co-ed group. However, the less distractions, the better.

Bonus thoughts you didn’t ask for:

• We meet from 7:00 – 9:00. The first 30 minutes is for students to arrive and entertain themselves. The house where we meet has a pool table. It NEVER gets used for pool. The kids have developed their own game called SCUM. They play it every week without fail. Super crazy and fun.
• I try to provide snacks, but the kids don’t cry if there’s none. A couple of times a year we’ll do a big potluck just to mix it up a little. We’ll invite the students to show up at 6:30 so we’ll have a little extra time for fun.
• This might not be true for girls groups, but it’s difficult to get guys groups to focus for the hour we have small group. Because of this, I tell them the first 20 minutes is for messing around. What I don’t tell them is that the best relational part of small group happens during that first 20 minutes. During the remaining 40 minutes, I have a much easier time of keeping their attention focused on the topic of the night. For some of the stuff we do during that 20 minutes, check out the “Just For Fun” link on the left side of my blog. Look specifically at “Hate Calls”. Click here to see a couple of videos of us doing them. It’s a super fun and great follow up for those who don’t show up.

Okay… I humbly apologize. I’m sure you didn’t expect me to give you so much reading. However, you gave me a great blog post. I’m going to post this on my blog under “Ask A Volunteer”.

Thanks so much for reading my blog and for passing the post “What Parents Need To Know” on to your youth pastor.

Let’s keep the discussion going. I would love to read your ideas. Also, if you have anything you’d like to post on my blog, I’m always looking for guest posts. I don’t have much in that area right now. I’d love to have the thoughts of others on my blog, too.

Have a great day!

Dennis

This is part 1 of a 4-part interview with Tom and Marla. Before leaving after several years of service in our student ministry, we sat together to discuss what they’ve learned about youth ministry and what they would tell new volunteers. Look for the second segment to be posted next week.

Here are links to the videos in this series:
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Be sure to also check out the brief comments below the video.

___

There are a few things I love about this video series:
- It was videotaped by a student volunteer. This was a great way for him to see some of the heart behind what we do as leaders.
- The video is not professional… much like our service as volunteers. The interview isn’t polished, the camera is shaky, and there are no makeup artists. It’s just regular folks talking about a mutual passion: reaching out to students through ministry
- It’s a good start for other topical interviews to be done in the future.

Dennis,

How do you ensure the personal integrity/moral standing of your Youth Volunteer? How do you empower youth workers to work on themselves while removing them from working with youth when an activity they are indulged in (that go against what your group preaches..ie: pre-marital sex, drugs, alcohol, etc) is brought to light?

Thanks again for your kind words and great insight

Youth Worker
Youth Worker,

Wow! What a hot-button issue. Our culture is so afraid of being judgmental that we often excuse behavior rather than confront and deal with it. That might not be as true when it comes to dealing with lifestyle issues of those in ministry. However, in the congregation in general, I think we lack accountability. All that to say that I’m glad you’re facing some tough issues head on.

When it comes to non-negotiables such as lifestyle issues, it’s ideal to confront the person in a private meeting. Of course, if the person is female, you’ll want to have another person there, too. What we do at Saddleback is twofold:

1. We care for the person by offering help and encouragement to get back on the right track
2. We have them step out of their ministry role with encouragement to come back when they’ve dealt with their issues

This is a short answer to a very big issue. I hope it is helpful to you. Every situation is different so there may be more on a case-by-case basis. However, these two points are common to every instance of confronting leaders who are struggling with lifestyle issues contrary to God’s design.

There is one more thing we do as a preventative measure that also helps us if issues come up. We have a covenant with our volunteers that includes lifestyle, spiritual and ministerial expectations. Confrontation is less complicated for us because we can refer back to the commitment. When volunteers join the team they commit to purity. When we discuss why they need to step away from their leadership role for a season, they typically already know this. The conversation is more of a solidification of this truth.

Have a great day,

Dennis

I got this e-mail today about a youth pastor who frequently changes the program schedule without giving his volunteers enough time to prepare. Here’s the note, see below for my reply. If you have thoughts on the topic, please leave a comment. If you have a question of your own that you’d like to ask, please click here.

Dennis,

I would like to get your feedback on something that I am struggling with at my Church with our Youth Volunteers. I am a volunteer myself and am responsible for most of the communications with our other volunteers.

We work diligently to provide our volunteers with a schedule/calendar of events so they are informed with what is planned. Like I do, many of the volunteers plan their personal vacations and schedules around when we have events planned or when we know we have down time. But we are routinely blindsided by Church Staff changing items/events just days before there date when they have been scheduled for months. This is really starting to have a negative impact with several of the key volunteers and when I speak with our Youth Pastor about it….he pretty much puts it off like “well this is what we have to do”. I completely understand that this is going to happen on occasion, but the regularity of this is really starting to impact the attitudes of key volunteers. Any suggestions or thoughts on how to lessen the impact on the volunteers?

One that has just occurred and causing many issues and irritated feelings. We have been putting out in our weekly updates for over 6 weeks that we would not be having Youth Small Groups this coming Sunday night…then Monday we were informed that we were expected to be holding small groups this week. Many volunteers have already planned business or family events for this time. When I brought this to our Youth Pastors attention yesterday, he said that we would just have to move volunteers around to make it work. I only have 6 of the normal 30+ volunteers available, not enough to cover the locations they meet much less the number of students. Plus we have already been telling students we were not having small group this week.

Just looking for some additional insight into how to better manage these incidents and to keep our volunteer base strong and united.

Thanks in Advance
YW

Thank you for your question. As a fellow volunteer, I’ve come across this issue several times, but with different circumstances.

First off, let me start by encouraging you as a dedicated youth worker. You’re feeling the heat from both sides without throwing in the towel. That says a lot about your dedication to your ministry to students and caring for your fellow volunteers. Second, I want to be a little careful in my response because I do not know your youth pastor’s side of the story. I will address this in terms of what I’ve done in my youth ministry. Hopefully there will be some nuggets of wisdom you can apply to your own situation.

I have repeatedly been ignored on a specific request I’ve made over the years. While this isn’t an identical issue as you’re facing, it does have the same root problem; having my needs as a youth worker ignored. I took a few steps to deal with this and I feel the problem has been fixed.

1. Make my volunteer involvement conditional (respectfully): If I make my availability and needs known and there isn’t a reasonable attempt to make accommodations, I can step out of that event without guilt or causing a scene.

Point of clarification: my ministry has expectations of me to meet it’s needs, so I don’t have a problem expecting the ministry to be considerate of mine. The specific conditions I set are very basic and to help me be a more effective leader. They aren’t in any way meant to give me special privileges or be treated with special attention.

2. Step back rather than be an obstacle: I took a year off from doing weekend services and special events because I didn’t agree with decisions that were being made in our ministry. I didn’t make a big deal about it, I just didn’t want to be an obstacle to the way they wanted to take the ministry. During that time I still led my small group because I didn’t have any problems with that part of the ministry.

In your specific situation where you’re caught in the middle, you may want to consider taking yourself out of the peacemaker role. You’re feeling heat from the youth pastor to get the youth leaders to scrap their plans at the last minute to support the ministry. You’re also dealing with the unavailability of the volunteers. If you take yourself out of that role and let the youth pastor feel the pressure, decisions may get made with more sensitivity.

Point of clarification: I don’t suggest banding together with other volunteers to create an uprising or mass exodus. This needs to be a personal decision based on each person’s convictions.

3. Offer creative alternatives: You can raise your value to the team if you can find solutions. In this situation, your youth pastor may be completely out of luck. Volunteers typically do their best to accommodate the youth ministry, it just can’t happen this time. What you can do, however, is offer a combined program for all students using the volunteers who are available to pull it off. Since students have been told there isn’t a program, the attendance will likely be low. The crowd could be manageble with only 6 volunteers. The youth ministry gets its way while the volunteers can go on with their plans guilt-free.

Clarification: I have nothing to write here, I just like things to be uniform. I really should get some counseling about that.

Giving advice from my experience to your specific situation isn’t fool-proof. My hope is that there are some principles here that can help you lead in your youth ministry while also getting needs met. My prayer for your ministry is that it will have harmony, healing and a great impact on your community.

Sincerely,

Dennis