Lesson Helpers: Leading a Discussion About Relationships
For tonight’s small group, we combined two of our guy groups with one of our girls groups to discuss relationships, dating and sex. It was a little slow-going at first, but the students really got into it once a few took the brave step of opening up. We threw out some provocative questions then let them take the conversation as far as they would. Once we beat a topic to death we moved on to the next. We liked this discussion so much that we’ll probably do it for one more week to cover some topics we didn’t get to tonight.
Here are a few great truths that came from students through tonight’s discussion:
1. Guys need to be careful not to treat girls better or worse based on the way they choose to dress
2. Don’t expect relationships to meet your needs that only God can meet
3. Girls take it easy on the guys by wearing less revealing clothes
A few ways we helped get the conversation going:
1. Secret poll. It sounds silly, but before we launched the conversation, we had each of them close their eyes, raise their left arm and hold up their index finger
a. We asked them to keep it up if they felt awkward about having this discussion in a mixed-gender group.
b. We asked them to put their finger up if they had questions, but were afraid to ask them
These questions allowed us to use real information in a non-threatening way to clear the air. It also let them know that the ones who felt that way weren’t alone. I’m sure they were relieved to get to express those feelings. We had them use their finger in the air so others wouldn’t hear any rustling. This allowed students to express their thoughts without making a sound.
2. We opened up about our own feelings. It was incredibly easy for the quiet ones to say “me, too” instead of open up. When they expressed that sentiment it opened the door for follow-up questions
3. We encouraged what we wanted to reinforce. When a student asked another students a follow-up question, for example, I was quick to chime in an encouraging word in response to him doing that
Finally, we left them with a closing element of fun
The discussion was a big success even though it was a pretty mellow evening. We took the last few minutes for a tension-breaker exercise so they could leave on a high note and let out any mental overload some of them were likely feeling
In preparation for this discussion, I listened to a podcast by Ben Stuart of Breakaway Ministries. It was entitled Sex and Dating, Part 1: First Things First. It’s a free podcast that I recommend listening to before leading a discussion on the topic. There’s a lot of great insight from this talk that you’ll want to include in your group’s conversation.
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