Ask A Volunteer: What Do I Do About a Student Who Drops Out of Small Group?
Hey Dennis,
So I have been attempting to meet up with my student since Wednesday, but she has canceled on me a couple times, and she just told me she probably wouldn’t be at Bible Study on Wednesday because she’s failing all her classes and needs to study. So, what do I do at this point? Do I just keep trying to set up meetings? I think she is going to keep avoiding me, and I would really like to speak to her parents. I’m not sure how to go about doing that. Any advice would be much appreciated,of course! Thanks Dennis!
- Volunteer Youth Worker
This sounds like the wrong advice, but I’m pretty sure it’s solid. I would release her to do her own thing and focus on the students who are open to spiritual growth right now. She’s not ready for this in her life right now. It’s a source of frustration or guilt. When things change, she knows you’re a caring person she can turn to.
When you have to chase a person down to care for her:
1. It opens you up to manipulation (if the person you’re chasing is manipulative)
2. You can easily be taken for granted (not appreciated)
3. The person could be pushed away and could become less likely to return to God or church in the future if she feels stalked by people trying to help
You’ve done the right thing by following up with her and making the effort. Now I suggest backing off and letting her make her own choices for a while. In a few weeks you may want to send an e-mail or text message asking how she’s doing. Beyond that, I would wait for her to seek you out.
I think others could benefit from this information. If it’s okay with you, I’m going to put this on my blog. Is that okay?
Thanks,
Dennis
Thank you Dennis… that is wise advice. It feels funny when non-action is the correct action to take, but I think you’re right. What about her parents? Is there anything I should do in that area? I don’t want something to happen, and then have her mom and dad find out I knew all along and didn’t say anything. Perhaps I can just contact them and let them know that I am aware of the situation.
Of course you can put this on your blog… I don’t mind my name being on it, so do whatever you think best. I would also appreciate your prayer… I am feeling a lot of anxiety and sadness for this girl, and not being able to “fix” things is difficult for me in general.
- Volunteer Youth Worker
Volunteer Youth Worker,
I would for sure touch base with the parents. You can be a source of support for them. It is very likely they will contact you for help or direction in the near future. Remember we have “been there parents” in our ministry who are also very well equipped to offer solid advice and direction. They are eager to talk to parents struggling with wayward children.
Dennis
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Filed under: Ask A Volunteer
[...] VolunteerYouthMinistry.com has a great article about dealing with a student that wants to leave small groups. Head over there to read part of a back-and-forth conversation between a couple of our volunteers this week about the subject. Here’s a clip: So I have been attempting to meet up with my student since Wednesday, but she has cancelled on me a couple times, and she just told me she probably wouldn’t be at Bible Study on Wednesday because she’s failing all her classes and needs to study. So, what do I do at this point? Do I just keep trying to set up meetings? I think she is going to keep avoiding me, and I would really like to speak to her parents. I’m not sure how to go about doing that – any advice would be much appreciated, of course! [...]
Good advice… thanks everyone!!